“joy at sudden disappointment”

Sun April 28th 2013



workshop wowwy wow wow.

i’m pooped, but the workshop went well. and that’s the point. that i am of greater service as i face my inner struggles, my inner resistances to my own growth. i know i’m not alone as i feel anxiety, a rising repulsion to facing whatever it is that’s challenging me in the moment, a feeling that i cannot, that i don’t want to, that i want to run away, that i’m not good enough, i don’t have what it takes… and then i persevere… i have the opportunity to transform this anxious energy into enthusiasm for the task at hand (thank you Ashley Bauman).

i pray, “may i be of service.”

i repeat, “namo,” (i bow in reverence)

and it helps.

it seems to be my greatest blessing in my life — that i’m of service. the fact that i have people depending on me to be there to teach them, and looking to me for guidance demands that i step it up, and it pulls out the best from me. don’t get me wrong, i don’t pretend to be that important or pivotal, per se. rather, i merely seek to brighten someone’s day through our interaction. i hope that our exchange leaves them brighter than before i encountered them. if so, it’s been a good day! lol, and if not, i have to choose to believe that it’s not my fault!!! gosh, i used to take all that personally and today i just can’t! I look for lessons, what i can learn and then let the rest go…. (or so that’s the intention).


really we do what we do…

as a student of D.R. Butler’s, I’m learning that detachment is best… that we all have our karmic roles to play. funny to think of it this way, like, “don’t shoot the messenger.” For if we are all simply playing our karmic roles, then like I taught in this weekend’s workshop, we can practice gratitude for the bringer of hardship in our lives, for they grantt us opportunities to learn the lessons we are here to learn and to cultivate our highest vision of ourselves. I shared a Rumi Poem today in the morning session of the workshop …****

*** remember the story of Muhammad and the eagle…. see below where I’ve typed it out.



and i’m tired…

and i’m irritable…

and i’m wanting food that i’m choosing consciously not to have…

yeah, so i am vain and i do want to look good. but ultimately, and maybe you can perceive it as my justification for my vanity, but i don’t like the way certain foods affect me and so i choose not to have them; they’re like drugs and alcohol. they do not bring out the best in me, but quite the contrary, they bring me to my lowest, most embarrassing, degraded version of myself. and today i choose not to be her by choosing to behave consciously. i have learned through my life’s experience that I can fall back on food in the same way i would fall back on drugs or alcohol for escape….

escape from what?

escape from myself, from facing myself, the things i dislike about myself, the stuff that gets stirred up in me throughout the day, from the unfortunate lows that sometimes occur as an consequence or pendulum swing, rather, of my super high highs and giving so much of myself without giving myself time to recoup….

balance, they say…

yoga is about union of all parts of ourselves. balance.

and yet that doesn’t mean we’re “done.” that life stops happening and the ride is over. no, the ride still rocks on, full speed ahead, it’s just that our perspective can shift, so that we feel less impacted by it’s ups and downs, swirves and turns. …

but i have this peppermint and green tea that i’ve poured over ice and it suits me just fine. there’s a lot of work to be done tonight, so i think i’ll put in another hour and check out with a movie…. or most likely a book…

i get my hairz done tomorrow, so i’m grateful.

i get to see my therapist tomorrow, even more grateful.

i get to teach three more classes tomorrow night. god, may i be of service.

but truly i do look forward to some time on wednesday, my day off.

i’m feeling better just from writing.

thank you for helping me. i hope this helps you in some way.


Rumi Poem

“Joy at Sudden Disappointment


Whatever comes, comes from a need,

a sore distress, a hurting want.


Mary’s pain made the baby Jesus.

Her womb opened its lips

and spoke the Word.


Every part of you has a secret language.

Your hands and your feet say what you’ve done.


And every need brings in what’s needed.

Pain bears its cure like a child.


Having nothing produces provisions.

Ask a difficult question,

and the marvelous answer appears.


Build a ship, and there’ll be water

to float it. The tender-throated

infant cries and milk drips

from the mother’s breast.


Be thirsty for the ultimate water,

and then be ready for what will

come pouring from the spring.


A village woman once was walking by Muhammad.

She thought he was just an ordinary illiterate.

She didn’t believe that he was a prophet.


She was carrying a two-month-old baby.

As she came near Muhammad, the baby turned

and said, “Peace be with you, Messenger of God.”


The mother cried out, surprised and angry,

“What are you saying,

and how can you suddenly talk!”


The child replied, “God taught me first,

and then Gabriel.”

“Who is this Gabriel?

I don’t see anyone.”

“He is above your head,

Mother. Turn around. He has been telling me many things.”

“Do you really see him?”


He is continually delivering me from this degraded state into sublimity.”


Muhammad then asked the child,

“What is your name?”


“Abdul Aziz, the servant of God, but this family

thinks I am concerned with world-energies.

I am as free of that as the truth of your prophecy is.”


So the little one spoke, and the mother

took in a fragrance that let her surrender

to that state.

When God gives this knowing,

inanimate stones, plants, animals, everything,

fills with unfolding significance.


The fish and the birds become protectors.

Remember the incident of Muhammad and the eagle.


It happened that as he was listening

to this inspired baby, he heard a voice

calling him to prayer. He asked for water

to perform ablutions. He washed his hands

and feet, and just as he reached for his boot,


an eagle snatched it away! The boot turned upsidedown

as it lifted, and a poisonous snake dropped out.


The eagle circled and brought the boot back,

saying, “My helpless reverence for you

made this necessary. Anyone who acts

this presumptuously for a legalistic reason

should be punished!”

Muhammad thanked the eagle,

and said, “What I thought was rudeness

was really love. You took away my grief,

and I was grieved! God has shown me everything,

but at that moment I was preoccupied within myself.”

The eagle,

“But chosen one, any clarity I have

comes from you!

This spreading radiance

of a True Human Being has great importance.


Look carefully around you and recognize

the luminosity of souls. Sit beside those

who draw you to that.

Learn from this eagle story

that when misfortune comes, you must quickly praise.


Others may be saying, Oh no, but you

will be opening out like a rose losing itself petal by petal.


Someone once asked a great sheikh

what sufism was.

“The feeling of joy when sudden disappointment comes.”


The eagle carries off Muhammad’s boot

and saves him from snakebite.


Don’t grieve for what doesn’t come.

Some things that don’t happen

keep disasters from happening.”



Terrific Tuesday!

I taught three classes at central today.  On top of my normal classes I got to sub for Rachelle at 8pm.  What a day!  That’s how I know I am in the right field–whenever my mind tells me, “there’s no way!” or “man, I’m gonna be so tired!” or “I am done!” an unexplainable surge of energy arises from within me and gives me what I need to get the job done, and usually well.  I’m so grateful.

In my yogahour classes the word of the day was ‘resilient’.  To be resilient is to be able to bounce back into shape after bending, stretching or being compressed; to be able to withstand or recover from difficult situations.  Through yoga asana we practice being resilient in our bodies as we assume various poses.  We are always welcome to step into deeper practice in our minds by quickly recovering in our minds when events subvert our plans, circumstances supersede our expectations, or emotions erupt.  This is the practice of yoga on and off the mat.  I believe this consistent practice is advanced practice.  Sure, doing the fancy yoga poses is cool.  Who wouldn’t wanna touch their feet to their forehead while balancing on their forearms in a backbend, right?  Ha!  Or at least see someone who could?!  Wherever you begin is perfect.  The Bhagavad Gita said there are many paths, and all paths up the mountain lead to the same place.  Whether you begin with the body through yoga poses (asana) and breathing (pranayama) or the mind with meditation and contemplation or heart with devotional songs and poetry, they all serve to take you deeper into the practice.  Ultimately, yoga is a practice of self-study, self-observation.  Through self-observation one may bring oneself into balance or harmony.  In his book Light on Yoga Mr Iyengar says, “it (yoga) means a poise of the soul which enables one to look at life in all its aspects evenly.”  Like most things worthwhile, it’s simple, but not easy.SONY DSC

I recently encountered an opportunity to cultivate the virtue of resilience.  I’m on the path of Anusara certification, and feels like a long time traveling.  I’ve seen and experienced much along the way!  Test… check….video….check…and check….and check!  And now a little more digging deeper.  The saying, “it’s not about the destination, it’s the journey” applies here.  Because I am “only Inspired” and not YET certified, I serve with no less enthusiasm.  My classes are still lively, fun, heart-centered, rich and authentic.  I teach challenging classes that offer one the opportunity to reach inside to find what they need to carry on, just as life so often does.  Facing “rejection” in the realm of my own head is much more difficult than the reality of it.  My assessor said I am going to get certified, there’s just some things I need to do now to make my teaching “stellar.”  And yes, she really did say “stellar.”  I dig the word usage, I’m in.  😉

Last night I was reading through the Yogahour Teacher Training Manual, by Darren Rhodes, again  and the following quote jumped off the page, “We learned the hard way (often the only way) that there is often potential magic to seemingly tragic.  When failure seems inevitable and you refuse to give up, pivotal and lasting transformations can and often do take place.  Without the pressing possibility of failure, what would push us to discover our true capacity?  Possible failure can be the very force that invokes superlative success.”

Seasons change

Tucson’s hot summer comes to a theoretical close as we step into August.  Last night a student asked me how my summer was and I giggled and said something about how it’s still blazing.  She explained that she was a teacher, so for them the summer is sort of over…

My neck alerted me it was time to visit the chiropractor this morning, so before my classes I went to The Joint and got fixed up by Dr. Eric.  He’s such a gem.  My neck muscles still spasm, but I’m getting a massage tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to ease.  Perfect inspiration for my classes, as I tend to overwork myself, and therefore to bring balance, I aim to rest more, to give myself nurturing time to heal, to practice what I preach.

I taught Yogahour at the central Yoga Oasis today 11-12 and Expanding at 1215-145.  I themed on balance.  In Yogahour I taught a lot of one-legged balancing poses, which I love to play with anyway, and handbalancings like Sage Prep and Crane.

In Expanding we did the first part of our practice using a block as a helpful teaching guide to find the midline of our bodies and to practice drawing into it, for our ease, peace, comfort, balance lies in the middle.  The Buddhists call it ‘The Middle Path.’  When we practice not identifying with either extreme and instead reside in the middle we know peace.  This is a step-by-step practice, a daily, moment-by-moment practice of detaching from when things are awesome and exactly as we’d wish them to be and from when things are horrible and we feel like we cannot go on.  Neither will last forever.  “This too shall pass.”  ForMG9883-M our asana practice we did a Surya Namaskar A with a block between our shins, Surya B with a block except for Warrior 1, which was kinda funky and awkward, then handstand hops with a block between the shins, one with bent legs and one with straight legs.  oooh, good stuff!  We did some abs with the block (inspired by Desiree’s Practice back in the Scottsdale days), a variety of one-legged standing poses on a block, (inspired by Noah from many years ago, he taught an intermediate/advanced workshop with all the standing poses on a block)  I love getting inspired by other teacher’s great ideas!  It was a perfect way to embody the theme of balance.  Then we brought our warm bodies to the floor for some grounding work:  Some good ol’ “Yummy Thigh Stretch,” as Ulla used to call it, Runner’s Stretch, Hanuman work, Pigeon, Pigeon Thigh Stretch, twisting, more Hanuman, Parsva Upavistha Konasana, Upavistha Konasona, Marichiasana 3, Marichiasana 1, Ardhva Matseyendrasana, Triangmukaikapada Paschimottanasana, Krounchasana, Marichiasana 5, Bharadvadjasana 2, Paschimottanasana with a block between our belly and thighs to ground the femurs.

It was Sam’s last class for the summer, I’ll miss having her in class.  Ronni said it was her 2nd to last class too!  Seasons change, students change… the practice continues.